Fuel To The Fire

So I have decided to start my blogging experience off by going back into the past. You may be wondering about the title of this blog. Well it's got a few different meanings. One being that finding out what you thought was a singleton pregnancy is actually twins. Another being that well as you know from my introduction I once lived in Alberta. I was unfortunately apart of the Fort McMurray wild fire, And well my relationship with my significant other (S/O) has been well you could classify it as hot. ( Most definitely not the type of hot that just made your eye brows raise)

If you are near and dear to me, you already know that my S/O and I have a long history starting back when I was in high school. Long story short we have always been very much in love and very compatible, But with that came some obstacles. We both came from Newfoundland so having the same cultural background is great. But we came from very opposite families. Mine being a traditional, structured, well off but not rich Christian family. My parents being happily married, sticking to those marriage vows no matter what life threw at them. His being a somewhat broken but functional family. With parents who were very good friends but just didn't meet the cut lines of being married to each other, while just making ends meet. Because of this I want marriage, kids, house, religion, etc. While marriage and religion are not something he really knows about or wants interest in. Over the years we have struggled to meet in the middle on these major issues.

Fast forward 5 years, we have spent 3 years together, and 2 years apart. We both moved on with our lives. I got married to the first guy who I met who had shown interest in wanting that life I dreamed of when previously being with my current S/O. He eventually met someone else and had a steady relationship. In the end we both ended up single and ready to mingle. Of course our paths crossed and here we were casually dating for about a year. Trying to figure out what the heck we even were most days was a challenge. The connection between us was and is undeniable, But these pretty major issues are still hanging over our heads. With one new issue of his heart and soul being set on living in beautiful Ontario. So I take it upon my self to fight with everything I have in me to convince him that we are meant to be and we can do this. Just as I decide to do that, he was away on a family vacation. Both of us missing one another immensely. I plan to be all romantic and have a surprise for him when he returned home.

Well to my surprise the next day it hit me like a ferrate train that I am pregnant. So I rush to the drug store after work. Thinking NO NO NO this can't be. I've been taking birth control, on top of that the doctors have been telling me for months that I may not actually ever be able to have anymore kids. I had stopped ovulating. I got to the nearest toilet as quick as humanly possible. Certain that my stream of pee has not yet hit the test its already brightly showing me a positive result. In my mind I'm thinking, Oh Crap!!! On top of convincing him that we are destine to be together I have to break the news to him that we are expecting.

Fast Forward again, so were about 8 weeks pregnant according to ultrasound. We've got over the initial shock but still stressed about the result, and where do we possibly go from here. So we pull up our big kid panties, come to terms with everything. This is happening. We start planning and first things first we now need to live under one roof. So we had made the decision. The big move was happening soon.

About a week later a small forest fire had started out side of Fort McMurray and the city was quickly filling up with smoke. Within a few days it came near to the city. On May 3rd 2016 before we could blink our eyes we were scrambling to gather a few belongings and heading to god knows where just running from the fire. I sent my daughter off with my parents, to later meet up with them as I needed more time to gather my belongings from his place and mine. The roads of the city were just grid lock and it took hours to get to where your going. When what used to be just minutes. Watching our city burn behind us we take off uncertain of what our future holds.

We got separated as I decided it was best I take off with my parents to stay with extended family, while he stays as near to the city as possible waiting it out. Just as we arrive to our separate locations, we realize there is no waiting this out and we will not be going home for quite some time.

Now comes the struggle of getting back to one another and taking care of my health physically, and mentally as I am expecting. During my journey I had left everything important behind while swapping out vehicles and in the heat of the rush leaving my wallet behind. No credit cards, no health card, and absolutely zero proof of who I actually am. Luckily I was able to retrieve an old email to my employer with a scanned copy of my drivers licence and go from there.

At 19 weeks and 4 days pregnant I finally got an ultrasound to make sure all this stress hasn't hurt the baby! Within 30 seconds the ultrasound tech says SO.... your initial ultrasound confirmed one baby. I reply yes not thinking anything more. About one long minute later she says WELL... it's actually twins and goes on to explain the type they were etc.

Talk about adding fuel to the fire, quite figuratively. So now we have no house to go back to, have one child already and two more on the way. Well thankfully I hadn't yet actually gave up possession of my apartment yet. We did have that to return to. But a tiny basement apartment for a family of 5. Stress overload. Now all the thoughts about all the things that were now so uncertain.

Fast Forward... We've made it through all of the uncertainty. But now the uncertainty lies within me. Can I actually mother twins? What's life going to be like with a toddler and two newborns? I'm Freaking OUT!!! I literally two nights before my planned C-section had a complete mental break down. S/O working night shifts, it's 3am and everyone I know is obviously sleeping, here I am, I cannot breathe. I'm having a mental break. So I run to the shower ( my happy place is anything to do with water) turn on the cold tap as far as it could go and I jump in. ( My memory is telling me clothes and all???? ) Wait what COLD! I was desperate to just stand in this cold water, I HATE cold water. My showers and baths are so hot I can hardly sit in it at times. A cold shower what's making me breathe and calm down during this mental break.

At that moment I had realized I had to embrace what was to come and face it with no fear. Finally this unusual cold shower had me realizing this is it the fire is finally put out. No matter what fuel was going to be thrown onto this hot mess, it wasn't going to ignite anymore.

I must say that couldn't be more than true. Sitting here today there has been one thing after another thrown at us, week by week. If it's not already crazy enough having a family of 5 in this day in age, in which has a set of twins. All this fuel being continuously thrown on us still today has ignited into nothing but strength and unconditional love for one another.